Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
