I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
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