yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
