We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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