My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
