Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
