You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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