i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
