I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
