Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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