Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
