I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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