i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
