I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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