When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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