if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
