Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
