Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
