Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
