I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
