Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
