This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
