So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
