I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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