well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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