K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
