It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
