Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
