I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
