But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
