Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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