You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize