the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can text with my tongue
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
