A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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