thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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