Say something about gay babies.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
