Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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