I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
