either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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