I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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