there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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