Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
sex in a hospital.. check
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
