My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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