haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
