Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I forget how to act sober
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
