I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
