Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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