yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
