do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
