guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize