I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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