My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
