I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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