five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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