there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
