she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
