She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
