nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
