she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
