My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
