Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
