there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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