I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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