if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
