I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
