I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So squirting runs in the family.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize
