do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
