Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
