Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
