My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Randomize
