I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
