my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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