Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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