Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
