I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
