My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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