how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize