Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I checked into jail on foursquare
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
