I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
