I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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