Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
