I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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