You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
