Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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