Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
