Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
