i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
