Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
