So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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