whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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