Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
