FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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